Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
