stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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