She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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