Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
