After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
