so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
