I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
