I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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