the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize