oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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