ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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