You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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