Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
