Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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