What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
