What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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