if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
