it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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