Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
