the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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