to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize