Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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