You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
