I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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