Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Found the puke drawer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize