I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
