2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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