You just made me feel so damn special
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
