Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
