i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize