Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
