then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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