Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
