Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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