It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
