Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
