I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
