well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
