I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
