Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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