So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
