Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
