there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize