weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
