All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
