they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
