remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
