Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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