addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize