I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
