May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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