I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
