I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she smelled like a LAN party
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
