Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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