Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
