Can Purell be used as lube?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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