Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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