I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
