He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
