You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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