he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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